The Brighter 5: Five funny comedians start your day with a laugh

[Aug 2, 2021: Josh Shavit]

Here are today's five funny and insightful quotes to get you into your happy place. Enjoy!

"Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list."

"I'm like anyone else on the planet; I'm very moved by world hunger. I see the same commercials, those little kids starving and very depressed. I watch these things on TV and I see those commercials. And I look at it and I think, 'God how cruel, to see a little kid out there.' And I go, 'Fuck, I know the film crew could give this kid a sandwich.' You know that kid's not out there filming a letter from home with a Betamax. You know there's a director five feet away going, 'Don't feed him yet. Get that sandwich out of here. Doesn't work unless he looks hungry.'"

“Purim, one of my favorite holidays. It's like the original drag queen's holiday. It's when all the Jewish men go for it and feel no guilt for a change.”

"I was sitting next to a young couple with a baby on the plane and I was making the baby laugh the entire flight. Do you know what babies love? Ethnic jokes."

"You saw “Titanic.” The band was playing as the ship went down. What Black band you know gonna keep playing with the damn ship goin’ down? Kool and the Gang would have been unplugging shit. “Man, let’s get the hell out of here.”"

"In New York I'm, like, a six - seven with all the padding. But in Miami, I was like a negative three. People were like, 'What the hell is that?' Throwing up on their motorized wheelchairs. Children were crying. I was like, 'Beyonce calls it jelly.' They were like, 'That's cottage cheese, bitch. Do some lunges.'"

For those who don't know or don't remember the genius that is Yakov Smirnoff

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