The Brighter 5: Five funny comedians start your day with a laugh

[July 30, 2021: Josh Shavit]

Here are today's five funny and insightful quotes to get you into your happy place. Enjoy!

"Thirty-six percent of Americans say that they've heard the voice of God. It's not clear of that 36% how many people are mistaking the voice of God for the voice of Morgan Freeman. That's an easy mistake to make."

"When you’re big you don’t need a reason to sweat. You don’t, right? My friends cannot grab a hold of this concept. They come up to me all the time, “Geez! What the hell you do? You jumping rope in the attic?” “Well, I peeled an orange. About an hour ago, what’s up?”"

“A market researcher said ‘can I ask you 10 questions’, I said ‘go on’, she said ‘question number 1 have you ever had a blackout?’ I said ‘no’, she went…’and finally, question number 10.’”

"Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it."

"I've seen the end of the universe, and it happens to be in the United States and, oddly enough, it's in Houston, Texas. I know - I was shocked, too. Imagine my surprise when I left a comedy club one day and walked to the end of the block, and there on one corner was a Starbucks, and across the street from that Starbucks, in the exact same building as that Starbucks, there was - a Starbucks. I looked back and forth, thinking the sun was playing tricks with my eyes. That there was a Starbucks across from a Starbucks - and that, my friends, is the end of the universe."

"Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It’s like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you."

Enjoy a few priceless Lewis Black rants. Very funny!

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